It's not something I've done as of yet. It's difficult, when your brain isn't set up to naturally create and maintain order, to have a schedule for your day. I'll admit, most days that I'm home with the girls are spent in my pajamas and more than likely without even the undergarment most people would consider mandatory for answering the door for anyone other than one's mother.
When I was working, I was certain that stay-at-home moms had it made. Seriously? Stay home all day, watch whatever you want on television, go shopping if you feel like it. If you don't feel like it, hey, that's cool too. Throw something together for dinner a few nights a week. The housework would get done so much easier, I believed, if I were home all day.
Right. What I failed to consider were two very important factors:
1) The girls demanding attention, even if only to be entertained, most of the time. Even when they're not crying for me to crawl into the cage with them, I worry that they're developing an attachment disorder. "The fact that she is upset with it," a Psychology professor turned Facebook friend once advised me, "is better than her being complacent, regardless of what it is that's bothering her." Whether she was crying because she wanted me or because she wanted out of her cage was irrelevant. The fact that she hadn't resigned herself to being left alone indefinitely was, apparently, healthy. While that eased my mind in one way, it got me started freaking out in the opposite direction. How on earth was I supposed to get anything done if these two little monkeys were going to scream the second I stepped away from them, or if I were feeling too guilty to step away from them?
2) Yes, I can stay in my pajamas all day if I like. No, there is no need to do my hair, put on makeup (which I didn't do before either), dress nice, or even take care of myself. But the physical ease of my days at home, it quickly became apparent, was a trade off for the mental exhaustion I felt by 5:00. Or, if we want to time our day by a mommy unit of measure, by the fourth bottle, by the one millionth strand of hair ripped from my scalp, by the hundredth time I've had to push my glasses back onto my face or pry them from someone's tiny hand, by the third installment of Cat in the Hat, or - my personal favorite - by the time daddy walks in the door. Being alone all day with only two infants to keep you company will drain your batteries faster than you'll even realize it. Before you know it you'll be crash landing in bed 10 minutes after they go down if you're not careful. Being a loner and having a pretty intense case of social anxiety, I never thought I really needed a lot of interaction with other adults. I always disliked it so much I just assumed that I'd at least be able to maintain my buoyancy without it. Hell, I thought I might even get a bit more chipper if I didn't have to deal with people and all of their stupid crap throughout the day. All I can say is that I was either embarrassingly naive, or I was deluding myself. Because it's like the Twilight Zone up in here between the hours of 6 am to 5 pm. And you don't just walk out of 11 hours of the Twilight Zone without it leaving some impact on your mental state.
What has struck me about being a stay-at-home mom with no real schedule is that the times they are a-changing. Or, more accurately, they have changed already. Drastically, and not entirely for the better.
Now, my inner bra burner is seething as I begin to explain my theory here, but hear me out. My grandmother was a mom in the 60s and 70's. Just about the time that things were starting to change and women were spending more and more time outside the home by default. Not that they weren't working outside the home before then. Certainly not. We all know how women supported the war effort by filling the empty positions the men left behind. Of course. But it was still customary, when not being Rosie the Riveters, for women to stay at home with the children. My grandmother, who raised the majority of her brothers and sisters as a girl and young woman, must have had such a support network. In those days there must have been at least a neighbor or two who was home with a child. Even on days when nothing was planned there was probably always someone to go visit. Someone to interact with. Someone to prop her up with a little conversation and a cup of coffee.
For stay-at-home moms today, at least I would imagine, there are probably far fewer outlets for good, solid interaction with other stay-at-home moms. I know that in my neighborhood there is no one at home with babies in our age range wishing someone would come over for a cup of coffee. Or wishing that she could go to someone else's house for a little moral support.
So what's a mom to do? Really all we're left with is to go shopping, run an errand, go to Grandma's (if she's home and feeling like company). But, to be quite frank, packing up both girls to go on an errand in the winter can take upwards of 40 minutes if they both need changed, fed, and put in their snowsuits. It can involve crying if they don't feel like being bundled up. Then we get where we're going, have to find a cart, get one strapped into the seat, the other strapped into the carrier on my chest, get inside before frostbite sets in, get all of our shopping done and hurry home before they're overtired and refusing to take their next nap. It's an inordinate amount of work to go to the store for 1 or 2 things, or just for something to do. And we can't go to Grandma's every day.
While thinking about a blogging schedule this afteroon I came to the realization that I have no schedule for my life, which was why putting together a blogging schedule was blowing my mind. I realized that not having a plan for a day or two was okay, but the reason my days feel so long and tedious is because I don't have a plan for any day, ever. Whether we're going somewhere or doing something or not, it seems only logical that a day with at least a loose plan will go faster and feel much smoother than one without. And so, as I work on putting together a blogging schedule, I'm going to be thinking about a life schedule as well.
Wish me luck!
No comments:
Post a Comment